A proud new dad sits down to have a drink with his father
"Well son, now that you’ve got a kid of your own, I think it’s time to give you this"
"Dad, you don’t mean-"
"Yes son, I do" *Dad pulls out copy of 1001 Dad Jokes, 5th Edition*
"Dad… I’m honoured…", he says, tears sparkling in his eyes.
"Hi honoured", replies his father. "I’m dad".
lms if Kim Possible’s top lip frightens you
once you start viewing it as a moustache there’s no going back
Do you know the damage you have done
Why do people never want to tell you their middle name like who gives a shit its not a nuclear launch code its your damn name
we’ve all got that weird pretty big secret that we don’t really hide but like we don’t flaunt it like “My brother died of cancer” or “I’m gay” or “I tried to kill myself last year” or anything really and when you find out somebody’s big plot twist you know you’re in this friendship for the long run
”are you seriously wearing no makeup?” “thats why you look tired” “you let yourself go” “your hair looked prettier before you cut it” “your boobs and butt arent big enough” “wow your thighs” “are those scars” “you’d be prettier if-“
I ACTUALLY HATE THE FEELING WHEN YOU CAN TELL YOURE LOSING INTEREST IN A SONG YOU REALLY LIKE
there are nice americans
there are rude americans
there are nice brits
there are rude brits
there are nice canadians
there’s justin bieber
Every year on Canadian Thanksgiving, we perform a ritual to purge ourselves of our rudeness, Bieber absorbs it all. He was never meant to escape, we are sorry.
Its ok if you dont laugh at my jokes cause ill laugh enough for the both of us